My Personal Struggle on Finishing
I can’t begin to tell you how difficult it has been to complete my album. Let me preface this by saying that the physical side of making the album has been quite enjoyable. The amount of support from my wife, family, friends, and fellow musicians has been amazing! The musicians I have been working with have gone way past my expectations. I am truly grateful for them. The battlefield for me is in my mind. Here are some of my struggles:
- Why am I doing this?
- Do you really think you compare to all the other guitar players already doing this?
- Are you going to be liked by your peers?
- Who will ever come to see an instrumental act?
- You should have started sooner
- You should have played your guitar in a way that “so-and-so” would like it
- Do you really think you have something to offer?
- How are you going to finish this?
- Money does not grow on trees you know!
This self-talk probably runs through my head daily. On top of that, I wanted my social media to be inspiring and encouraging for others to step out and do something that they’ve always wanted to do. As soon as I ramped that up, my negative self-talk doubled. It is amazing to see how part of my core belief is that I am not worthy of acceptance or success (at whatever level). I am constantly combating it. Some days I win the battle; other days I feel emotionally exhausted. I realize that this album is not just about making my music, but it is also for me to confront my perceived self-identity. I often tell people, “If you are going to look at one side of the equation, you must look also at the other side, it’s only fair right?” So here it goes:
- I was given a talent to create music, and it would be wasteful to bury it and let no one hear my music.
- I am my own unique person, given a unique talent; like a fingerprint, no one can play the guitar like me.
- My music is not for everyone, but it is for the individuals that it resonates with.
- If no one saw any instrumental acts, then the symphony would be out of business.
- Let go of the past and be present today
- My musicianship and character will gain the respect of my peers.
- What I have to offer is for this season and this day.
- Scheduled creativity and enthusiasm will get the project done.
- I will work hard, and money will be provided
It felt good to do the other side! I encourage anyone reading this to not just look on the negative side, but to challenge yourself to practice daily the positive side. It will change the world! Thank you for your support and prayers, and please leave a comment if this has helped you at all.